My Blog

“Wag kang mabahala may nagbabantay sa dilim
Nakaabang sa sulok at may hawak na patalim
Di ka hahayaan na muli pang masaktan
Wag ka nang matakot sa dilim

Ito ay kwentong hango na galing sa dalawang taong
Nagmamahalan ng tunay ang ngala’y Elsa at Lando
At kahit parang pagkakataon ay nakakandado
Dahil magkalayo ang uri ng buhay ang estado
Ng buhay ni Lando ay di nalalayo sa marami
Sinunog ng araw ang kulay ng balat at marami
Ng galon ng pawis ang kanyang naidilig sa lupa
Upang ang gutom ay di na masuklian pa ng luha
Habang ang babaeng kanyang minamahal ay sagana
Ngunit kabilang sa pamilya na di alintanang
Makipagkapwa-tao sa mga tulad niyang dukha
Gayon pa ma’y patuloy ang pagmamahal na pinula ng pagibig

Kahit na ano pang bagay ang pilit na ihadlang
Sino man ay walang makakapigil sa paghakbang
Ng mga paa na ang nais ay marating ang ligaya
Niyayang magtanan di nag-atubili na sumama
Hawak ang pangarap at pangako sa isa’t isa
Nagpakalayo-layo di namuhay na may kaba
Dahil alam nila na sa bawa’t isa’y nakalaan
At ang pagmamahalan tangi nilang sinasandalan
Wala ng ibang bagay pa silang mahihiling
Kundi isang pamilya sa loob ng apat na dingding
At isang bubong na maaaring tawaging tahanan
Bakit may pangit na kabanatang kailangang daanan pa”

Father,

Thank you for the grace you have given me…I know my mistakes, I realized that he has somehow replaced you,but only for a moment…I know that you are a jealous God, and you will never share me with anyone until he asks You for me…So Lord, I turn my focus Back to You and reach for the dream and the purpose that you have made for me. As surely as your promises stand…I shall wait until until the time You will give me to him, whoever he may be…With a heavy hear yet an open hand…I give him up to you..I surrender hi…He is yours now Lord, do what is best for him.I know you have a purpose in his life so he must work for it. And prove himself faithful to you. someone who deserves your little girl or some other you have planned for him..just take care of hi,..keep him safe…you know how much I love him…so please keep him…

Your daughter’s heart is being painfully torn apart again..I know, its my fault…I pinned my happiness on him and it just wouldnt stick…And i know, You will never allow for it until the time he gets the courage and the will to really fight for me…to ask You for my heart…And i know, you will never relinquish this little girl of yours until such a time thatg i will mature and fully develop into the woman I am, ideal for the man You have chosen for me…Still, thank you for letting me meet him. I know i still fail Your quizzes sometimes, but I’m learning more and more from every single mistake I’ve made…and it’s not so painful as before…in fact, I am happy for the lessons, teach me….to draw close to your heart with every beat of my own..

Your little girl…

kittel

 Friends

Packing up the dreams God planted
In the fertile soil of youth
Can’t believe the hopes He’s granted
Means a chapter in your life is through
But I’ll keep you close as always
It won’t even seem you’ve gone

’cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

Chorus:

And friends are friends forever
If the lord’s the lord of them
And a friend will not say "never"
cause the welcome will not end

Though it’s hard to let you go

In the father’s hands we know

That a lifetime’s not too long to live as friends.

With the faith and love god’s given

Springing from the hope we know

We will pray the joy you’ll live in
Is the strength that now you show

But we’ll keep you close as always

It won’t even seem you’ve gone

’cause our hearts in big and small ways

Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever
If the lord’s the lord of them
And a friend will not say "never"
cause the welcome will not end

Though it’s hard to let you go

In the father’s hands we know

That a lifetime’s not too long to live as friends.

    everytime i am about to lose a friend, this song comes into my mind. i first heard this song in 1998, when i was a freshman at UP, and truly until now, it remains a favorite. especially at the times when i don’t see clearly or understand the reason why my friends have to go. it is really painful to lose a friend, may it be through a fight, separation, distance, or mere neglect.. we should always take care of the friends who are with us now, to cherish them while they are here since we do not know the time or the season when we will be called to give them up.. cherish the friends who are with you now, and keep in touch with those who are far away. in any manner, in whatever way possible, show them that you care, that you love and appreciate them. as they say, you will never know the worth of that person until he or she is taken away from you…
i admit, losing someone, as i just did is painful.you can never describe the pain that you feel. this is the first time i really felt emotional at losing somebody, because i was not prepared and i was caught unawares…it really hurts… i just wanted to cry out and lose myself in the misery of losing….and being lost.. but then…you cant bring back what has been said and done…you can only move on and take everything in stride, live life the best that you can even without that person….

   when I look into your eyes,
        I see his eyes.
       when I see you smile,
        I see his joy.
       when I hear your voice,
        I hear the resonance of his own.
        when you talk to me,
        I feel his presence.
            what then do I see?
           him or you,
            I know not now
            for my eyes behold him
                    my ears hear him
                    my hand touches his hands
        but its not only him but you and you in him.
the fateful heart beats i know not for whom.
        him or you it isn’t at all clear.
its emotions deceive,making me feel what i should not.
    making me remember what i have forgotten.
    making me think of thoughts not worth thinking,
            of you,
                of him,
                    of me,
                            of us.
            of what was,
                and is,
                    and what will be.
            of nothingness and hoplessness
                of dreams and impossibilities
                    of life and its unfairness
                        of remembering and hoping.
            of sadness and sorrow
                of the things we left behind
                    and the future that is uncertain and unsure
                of nothingness that comes from dreams
            of you, of him, and me
        which of which i know not now
            and may forever be unsure of.

What’s the point…

of a life

if it was not lived?

of a life lived

when it was not lived well?

of living well

when it has no purpose?

when life gets so mundane and boring

that one feels that she is merely existing anf not living..

or living but not doing anything that has purpose and meaning…

then you begin to feel discomfited and no longer contented with just merely being there, working…eating…going from place to place knowing that tomorrow, you will no longer be there but in another place in time..when you seem to have built no lasting memories,no lasting relationships,no permanence,no nothing…you are here today and gone tomorrow…

all you have left are footprints in another’s life..

are you content with knowing that you have left nothing lasting or permanent…

no i am not!

frankly,i feel tired of constantly moving from island to island..hopping from one place to the next…

one day in palawan,the next in cuyo..

stop in iloilo..sleep in bacolod…

rest in cebu…sail to ormoc, ride to biliran..then on to samar…

i have no reason to be sad nor irritated, after all, i chose this life.. but did i really? 

i am tired of such life…i admit i am a wanderer ,frequently bitten by the travel bug…but this time its too much,even for me…

here i am again, alone, roaming the streets of puerto princesa city…oblivious to the beauty that surrounds me…for i have been here and done this before…

when you are back in the place you swore you never would see again,what do you do?

when you are faced with people you vowed you would never speak to again,what do you say?

when you remember things that were better left in the realm of the forgotten,what do you feel?

when you begin to feel the things and feelings you promised never to feel again,what do you do?

being alone is no too bad…
solitude has its merits after all,
you can be alone with your thoughts
no one to intrude as you delve
into your soul
to probe,
to search,
your inner being
for that elusive fulfillment
the answer to the ageless question
who am I?
what am I here for?
will i ever be happy?
what does the future hold?
for there is no creature living
past,
present,
or future,
that could answer it for you
only if you take the time to be alone,
and ask the creator
only He knows
only He has the answers
to questions you never thought
of asking before
it really has nothing to do with
anyone but Him
so take the time,
be alone,
spend it with Him
and you’ll forget all questions
enjoy His presence
forget all else
be content
he is enough…

they are everywhere….from the lowlands to the mountains, along sandy or rocky beaches, atop rocky hills and on sheer cliffs..they are prolific and ubequitous in samar….

they are…COCONUTS, BUKO, LUBI or whaterver they may be in your language..

i have been to Biliran Island, that’s a separate insland in Leyte, to Ormoc, to Tacloban and to Northern Samar…and all i see by the road and the mountains i pass by, are them…. indeed, they are everywhere….

hay, see the effect of too much travel, it also gets to you. sometimes i feel bone tired and weary i have to stop and take it easy… going to Northern Samar is no joke…imagine being in a cramped bus for ten long hours…i desperately need bathroom breaks….

but in the event of this all..i have opportunity to be witness to and take part in miracles…just having the bus stop at no reason so that i could go wee-wee is miracle enough for me…that God really cares for me… that’s true, simple man at sabihin ng iba na nagkataon lang, for me it’s still a miracle…everyday ordinary things that when you look further are really miracles that we fail to appreciate..

see the beauty around you…look at everywhere you go and everything you see with heaven’s eyes… 

sa tu-od lang…palalagaw gid ko ya…daw bisan diin nga kaladtuan, gusto ko kadtu-an..pero…daw katalaka man gali no? abi sang iban, nami ang life nga naga lakat ka adlaw-adlaw. tu-od, indi ko ma deny nga nami gid man siya…you get  to see new places and everyday you have an opportunity to thank God for creating such beauty..it’s true..the Philippines is so blessed to have beautiful beaches, lush green forests and clear skies( and that’s only in Palawan)… but everywhere i go now, I get to see the same picture..from palawan to leyte…i’m not complaining, few lucky people (like me) get to see the wonders of it all for free…but i am so tired…of riding a van for hours through hair raising bends in roads cleft into the mountain sides…of not staying at the same place and sleeping in my own bed…i miss my family…it’s my birthday and i’m spending it here in an alien city with no one to talk to.. i cannot speak waray and i have no way to meet friends….but then….ah basta…weird ang feelings….wla man lang ko nadumduman ni…..blank…pero sa mga naka greet sa akon….thank you gid…mga friends ko gid kamo bisan paano…thanks kay ella, tracy, makram, iris, jo marie, mae,rona..nadumduman nyo ko.touched ko…daw mahibi na ko….

anyway, back to my travels…in the span of 3 days, i’ve been from puerto princesa city, to cebu, then to biliran province in leyte, and now i’m in tacloban city..tomorrow, i’ll be going to lavezares district in nothern samar…near sorsogon…o sin-o gusto ma meet sa akon?   

upod kamo?

paano mo ba malalaman….

na ang isang bagay ay totoo…

o sadyang kathang isip mo lamang…

bunga ng imahinasyon…

hirap malaman kung saan ang totoo..

o saan ang hindi…

buti pa noong wala…

walang gulo…

walang sakit ng ulo….